Flash of The Past

There are people in our lives who came and gone for various reasons.

Lately, I've been thinking about past relationships and all the "would be" relationships. There are 3 men in my life that I shaped my ideas of love forever.

Angelo: My first love. What did I really know about love? I was only 18 eighteen when I met Angelo. Those feelings of nostalgia and loss of appetites were my first experience of being in love. The first time I ever cooked for someone else. The last time I saw Angelo was almost 19 years ago. He was working for an insurance company in Hong Kong and since we move in different circles, I haven't heard any news of him. I sometimes wonder how he is doing ...

 

Derrick: My last romance. Derrick is a great guy. I remember countless mornings when I woke up to breakfast in bed. The surprise Christmas presents showed his thoughtfulness. What went wrong at the end? For a moment, people saw us as inseparable, but Derrick and I finally parted. I ran into Derrick many times afterward. I think he is still working for the same company. He also has a child now. Could that be the reason we parted, since I could not give him a child?

 

McLaren: What did we know about love? We were both in our addictions but the memory of his kind and gentle nature were not tarnished. The time when we were together made me wish that it would last for eternity. We parted when he went to Orange County and I also got into recovery. He relapsed shortly after but I decide to change my course. I stayed in recovery and made the painful decision to leave him behind. He came and spent the night when I had my house warming but we did not talk much. I did remember asking him to give recovery another chance but he, cursed by his own intelligence, said that recovery would not work for him until he found humility. I heard that he eventually went to federal prison. Is he out now? Has he found his humility? Does he think of me as much as I of him?

Warning Signs

Is my life in chaos? I have totally forgotten about my appointment with my doctor today!
I seemed to become so wrpped up in work that I forgot my own priorities and forgetting doctor's appointment is a major red flag.
I love what I do but all the buget crisis in the city is putting everyone on a crisis mode

Sometime I wonder if our system can survive withoutmaking some drastic changes

Should have gone to school inn Public Health - it doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize that what we have isn't working.

Need to call Phil first thing tomorrow and also reschedule my doctor's appoinment - a sick worker is not going to do any one any good.

Pride Idol Tomorrow

Tomrrow is the official start date of the Pride Idol competition. It is going to be at The Edge. Let's hope that parking is easy - since it's never easy in Castro!

A Month Later

Grandma, Has it been a month already?
I wonder if you are watching me and see that I miss you just as much as the day you left.

Did you know that I went home for dinner?

I wish you were at the dinner table with us.

Grandma, are you happy to see that I finally came home?

Or was it you a along that helped to make it happen?

Ten years of not being around my family has been quite an experience
But returning home after all these years was just as surreal.

Diane and Dad seem to be fine with me at the same table
And Aunt Helen told me to be grateful and not to "rock the boat"

Why is it always me who's responsible?

Grandma, what have I really done to deserve all these pains?

Do they know what it's like to be abandoned by everyone?

I miss you, Grandma.

You and Grandpa had never abandoned me
And I wish that I had spent more time with you.

They say that when we leave this world
We leave the memories behind
And keep the love with us...

Will you remember me?
When I see you again?

I know I will always remember your love for all of us.

That emptiness will never be filled again.